Monday, February 4, 2013

Cupid's Kissing Scene Competition: ROGUE HEALER, YA Light Sci-Fi

In honor of Valentine's Day, I'm participating in Cupid's Literary Connection's Kissing Scene Contest. Please comment with any feedback you have! And thank you for organizing, Cupid!

Update:  I made it into the agent round!  Off to run around with my arms in the air like Kermit the Frog....  Waaahhhh!!!

Intro paragraph
Lexi is an alien teen living in a donated human body. Dozens of aliens have been killed by human mobs, so Lexi's entire life revolves around keeping her distance, keeping her true nature a secret. She's been seeing human Garrett platonically for a few months when she meets him at a dance. Lexi doesn't realize it, but she's beginning the intense period of alien puberty, which leads to fever and a new awareness of her physicality. And "tendrils" are parts of Lexi's alien body, hidden inside her human one.

Kissing scene
I breathed in the fresh air. It was still mild out. Though my legs and arms were bare, I didn't feel cold in the least.

Garrett smiled down at me. "You know, you look beautiful today. You should wear your hair down more often."

My face warmed at the compliment. I'd braided my hair a lot lately, so it was probably the first time Garrett had seen it down since my haircut.

Garrett leaned against the brick building wall. I stood in front of him, hearing the dull thud of music from inside the building.

Like during our slow dances, Garrett slid his hands onto my waist. I stepped closer to him, my memory bringing up the light kiss he'd given me the day we'd studied at the library.

Suddenly, I felt like the dancer-filled gym had overheated me. With one hand, I lifted my hair off the back of my neck to let the night air cool it.

I looked up at Garrett's face, his lips.

I wanted another kiss.


For a few seconds, I turned away, urging myself to think my actions through. Then I gazed up at him again. Thinking seemed like such a waste of time.

My breath swept softly over my lips, and I didn't care to recall the reasons holding me back.

I was amazed I felt so certain.

"You feel warm-" he started to say when his hand touched my bare arm, but I stepped forward yet again, tilted my head up and crushed my lips onto his.

Garrett's hands gripped my waist, pulling me closer. He kissed me back...again and again.

I felt hot and a little bit dizzy and a lot wonderful. All the tendrils in my body were humming and melting. Every inch of my human skin was overly sensitive. I wanted Garrett to touch that skin.

Garrett groaned. I leaned closer to him, pinning him against the brick wall.

A couple feet from us, the door slammed open, hitting the wall on the other side, and one of the teachers stepped out. Garrett and I jumped apart.

Want to read more?  I'm #112 at Blind Speed Dating.  Check out my query and first 250 words!


  1. Loved this. I kept expecting her tendrils to escape and start swarming--think Jane Doe in Galaxy Quest. :)

    Loved the line: Thinking seemed like such a waste of time.
    Simply wonderful.

    Good luck,
    Margie #40

    1. Ha! Galaxy Quest! The funny thing is, Lexi worries he'll think of her like that too! (Maybe not specifically Galaxy Quest, but with slimy tentacles instead of delicate, wispy tendrils.)

      Thanks for your comment!

  2. I thought this was lovely :) I am fascinated about these tendrils... The concept reminds me of The Host. Good job, I would love to read this one day as a book :)

    Amber #100

  3. Love love love this line: "...crushed my lips onto his." This combined with your query definitely has me intrigued with the whole concept! Good luck! --Amy (#5)

  4. This is so much fun! I was always a huge fan of A.E. van Vogt's SLAN and their wonderful tendrils. Do the ones inside Lexi's human self have any function? Okay, now I've got to get my sci-fi geekness under control and think about this scene. I think you've managed to do a nice fusion of the YA teen crush with the alien angst. I just love how you went straight from teen squee to tendrils. Really nicely done.
    --Barb (#38)

    1. Thanks Barb! Oh no, another hole in my sci-fi education. I've never read SLAN. Gotta look it up.

      My aliens are amorphous, and tendrils are formed both for comunication and touching. She can adjust the size and shape of them as needed. Kind of an all-round useful body part. ;-)

      Laura, Kiss #33, BSD #112

  5. I like how organic this scene feels. The writing doesn't feel forced. My favorite line is "I felt hot and a little bit dizzy and a lot wonderful." I think it has a lot of the character's personality in it.

    I also like the way this ends. I can totally picture the door opening and them jumping apart.

    -Amber (#41)
    My Kissing Scene

  6. I read your query and 250 too...when does she start sensing his thoughts? It will be interesting to see how that all develops. Loved the scene! My favorite line is, "Thinking seemed like such a waste of time." Awesome!
    Michelle (#8)

    1. Hi Michelle, she senses his emotions...with the next kiss. When she *really* loses control.
      Thanks so much!

  7. Ha! Love how the scene ends! I also loved her trying to think through and then just going with it. Great scene!

    Larissa (#47)

  8. I love the alien perspective in this--similar to humans, but just different enough to spice things up. Great scene! :)

  9. I love the mixture of urgency and resistance in here mixed with the alien "hormones" Nice job!

    Good luck with your entry
    Jamie (entry #3)

  10. Love the duality of this line: "All the tendrils in my body were humming and melting. Every inch of my human skin was overly sensitive. I wanted Garrett to touch that skin." Good job and good luck in Round 4 and with the kissing scene!

    Virginia #7

  11. Great scene. I loved the line: Thinking seemed like such a waste of time. So true! I also liked the line: I felt hot and a little bit dizzy and a lot wonderful. Nice job with the "a little bit" and then "a lot".
    And thanks for your comments on my entry (#12).:)

  12. What a cool premise! Loved the part about thinking being a waste of time. Lots of luck!
    Anneka (kiss#51)

  13. This was such a perfect mix of sweet and steamy. I loved this line: "Thinking seemed like such a waste of time." That's so simple yet so perfect too. I also liked the part about her tendrils humming and melting. Good thing you explained that in the lead-in or it would've seemed odd, but knowing added that much more power to the scene. Best of luck!

    Maggie #27 (thanks for your comments on mine!)

  14. Kissing Judge Leigh Ann here to award the COLOR ME RED award for most embarrassing kiss!

    Was there anything more awkward than discovering new stuff about our body? Combine that with kissing a boy you really, really, really like and getting interrupted by a teacher, and this is the epitome of embarrassing! Nice work!

  15. Kissing Expert Kalen here to say that anyone who can work weird alien tendril body parts into a teenager's first kiss scene without it feeling like Cthulu pr0n deserves no less than the Best overall writing: WRITE IN THE KISSER award! See you in the next round! HUZZAH! *blows one of those things they hand out at New Year's parties that I can never remember the name of but are totally relevant here*

  16. Thanks Leigh Ann and Kalen! You have both made my week!

    And thank you to all of you who wrote such encouraging comments.